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Fabio Capello's new England regime
https://mail.paphospeople.com/ppforum/viewtopic.php?f=13&t=877		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  Captain Fantastic [ Wed Feb 06, 2008 12:04 pm ]
Post subject:  Fabio Capello's new England regime
Shamelessly nicked from F365:

* No wearing of headphones bigger than a newborn baby's head.


* Conjugal relations will be strictly regimented, with no sex for ten days before any game. in the event of sex being permitted, only one footballer per female.


* If you're sick on the floor, you clear it up.


* If you're sick on a woman, say sorry.


* The conversational gambit, "Ere I seen that Godfather it was well wicked, is you all like that in Italy then?" will result in your immediate expulsion from the squad.


* No wearing of watches worth more than the national average wage.


* No Hollyoaks calendars, or 'stars', in the changing rooms.


* No use of the word 'merked'. Or 'braap'.


* No use of the names 'Wazza', 'Gazza' or 'Fazza' under any circustances.


* No Burberry clutch bags packed with wads and wads of cash. Actually, make that no Burberry.


* No internet usage while on international duty which includes the unveiling of your penis.


* No mobile phone usage while on international duty which includes the unveiling of your penis.


* Ask if you want to go to the toilet. Especially in a nightclub.


* Then wash your hands.


* If Mr Capello asks you "what player do you most admire?", suitable answers include Paolo Maldini, Dennis Bergkamp or Franz Beckenbauer. Not "50 Cent".


* No hairstyles that involve lines being shaved into your head, conveniently unveiled a day before an international game.


* No discussing of how much money you earn per minute, per hour, per week.


* No lapdancers bouncing on injured limbs.


* When addressing the coaching staff, the following are acceptable forms of address:

a) Sir

b) Signor

c) Mister


* The following are no longer acceptable:

a) Blud

b) Geezer

c) McClaren, you knob.


* No females with orange fake tans to be allowed within 500 yards of team hotel.


* No simulated sex to the sounds of 'Soulja Boy'.


* No drinking of blue WKD out of a woman's lady parts.


* No disrespecting Kandinsky or any abstract expressionist artists.


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