Paphos People

For those who do not understand what I am talking about, its the situation where you enter a public restroom and need to pick a public urinal to do your deed. Usually, a restroom will have more than 1 urinal - and its important to understand the etiquette and rules behind the use of a urinal.

For example, say there are three comfort stations available and they are all empty. It would be extremely rude on any future patrons if they entered and you were using the middle head.

It is important to use the head as far as possible from the other users in the restroom. If there are, for example, three heads, and you are using the correct right-hand urinal - a new user must choose the left hand urinal. If not, then they are obviously some vicious axe-murdering pervert who is trying to look over your shoulder for some unknown reason.

So, with three urinals, it is obvious that you must use one of the outer urinals. The choice is made easier if there is a kids urinal (yes ladies, these exist) - which usually makes up one of the outer urinals.

Of course, if there are three, and the right hand urinal is occupied, whereas the left hand head is a child-sized urinal, then it is perfectly acceptable to use the center urinal. This is the exception to the rule.

If the two adult urinals are occupied, then an adult may use the child urinal, providing a child is not already using it. If all three are being used, then it is correct to stand AT LEAST SIX FEET behind the current users of the urinal. It is not correct to stare at the rear of the users, and it is important to refrain from making comments.

A user of a urinal should not stare at the urinal while using it. It is important not to pay too much attention to the job at hand, but instead to stare fixedly at a point directly ahead. It is absolutely important not to look to the right nor to the left while at the john, as you will be immediately surmised as an sexual predator and probably reported to authorities.

Staring at the ceiling is also not recommended and should not be attempted, since this often puts off your aim. In rare cases when strong disenfectant is used in the urinal, it has been known to also cause dizzyness which can lead to disasterous results.

If a fellow urinator starts talking, it is important to continue to stare directly ahead. If an unknown colleage starts a conversation, it is savoir-faire to answer that conversation, no matter what the subject. Etiquette decides on the types of topics of conversation - there are acceptable and inappropriate conversations at the john. It is bad practice to start any conversation when in a stale-mate position (see below) but it is possible to reply to a conversation when in this position.

If you enter a restroom with a colleague, and you are in the midst of a conversation, it is appropriate to continue that conversation. However, the conversation must cease if another unknown urinator steps between the conversees.

While using the head, ensure that you are operating at a reasonable distance - at approximately 6 inches. Too close will unfortunately result in splashbacks and a wet floor, whereas too far is obvious exhibitionism and will mark you as either a drunk or a hooligan.

If there are four urinals, and the two outer urinals are occupied, then it is acceptable to take one of the middle urinals. This is a stale-mate position - and it is important that you show humility to your nearest neighbour. Etiquette and politeness will ensure that you do not start any conversation, since you are the lowest caste member in the heirachy unless another urinator occupied the final urinal. At that point, you will be elevated back to respectable status for the remainder of your stay and it IS possible to start conversation. However, it is extremely important to leave the urinal AFTER your nearest neighbour. Any earlier, and it would be viewed as extremely untactful.

Do they even have washbasins in the men's loos?

Verity.

Don't know what you mean, CF.

Well, what a palarva. And I thought you just entered, pointed percy, shook off the drips and walked out again.

Do they even have washbasins in the men's loos?

Verity.

Yes, of course, but you only need them if the urinals are all busy!

Yes, of course, but you only need them if the urinals are all busy!