Paphos People

Ok I'm definitely going to start that ironing pile after Ive written this........ I am, honest!

Was busy thinking this week - Ive been on my own a lot and Oh do I love it but I thought it was time to have a mental tidy up too so I had a good chat to myself and decided that I would change a few things in my life.
I decided I would stop the way I allow people to speak to me - not an easy one to explain but basically I dont half take some crap off people and I dont want to do it anymore. Its easy to make the assumption that because people are easy going they'll go along with anything.Easy to decide and difficult to do, so I thought. It wasnt, spoke to certain people in person and a few by phone and put them straight - I dont like how they speak to me and if they consider themselves my friend, or in some cases family, then they need to change their ways. I dont speak to them badly so they shouldnt do it to me.

Im rambling but the point is - I feel great! I am so happy I did it and although I wish I'd have done it sooner there's no time like the present to change.

Sorry for the waffle but I thought this may help anyone reading who feels there's a few things in their life that they arent happy about but felt they were unable to change. If I can do it - you can!!

Have a good day everyone

x

Well done you.

Y

Good for you - my motto is 'Treat people how you want to be treated'

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Molly

Treat others as you want to be treated

Thanks Y, and Molly thats mine too - ok so Im not perfect and I can be caught on an off day but I do at least try to speak to people in an appropriate manner.

My other decision was that Im going to make the time for those I do want to spend time with... you know how it is, yes we'll meet up, yes we'll do coffee,oh I'll give you a call etc and its not that I dont want to, I just never made the time because I can keep myself busy doing nothing really. So, Im on a mission now to catch up with everyone Ive made that promise to regardless of what else is going on in my world.

See what happens when Im left on my own too long?? I get all thoughtful.

x

Here here. I am going to make a mental note to do the same. I am also going to be more firm over out-of-hours work phone calls and stop taking them. I am too soft and tend to drop what I am doing to deal with them. I have to learn to say no.

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Tina
xxxx

Nice one Piglet

The day will come when I am going to do the same - although mainly to a certain family member! It's so easy to let yourself get caught up in this sort of thing, but making the decision to "sort it" is not an easy one, as, if you are like me, you are afraid of upsetting others - good on you, girl!

See you soon

Jean

Had to be done Jean, I can't let the wicked witch rule me forever can I? so figured I'd do a job lot.

I dont like to upset people but what gives them the right to do it to me??? The way I saw it was if they dont know they're doing it then they wont change and if they do know then maybe I dont want them as my friend. Either way I had to do it for my own peace of mind and I did do it in a nice way.

and thanks for calling me girl.. that horrid birthdays looming and Im having a crisis over it. See, I knew there was a reason I liked you so much you make me feel better.

xx

Molly

Totally agree with that motto along with 'Be careful who you tread on on the way up as you may meet them on the way back down'. Although I firmly believe in being honest I do try not to be too dogmatic when I give an honest reply. Just wish others would be the same??

So, back to the thread, I'm going to try and be more assertive and decisive.........right now............or shall I?...........oohh but I don't want to upset people. Can you tell I'm a Libran?

Karen[/quote]

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PARAGON PROPERTY MANAGEMENT

Well now some of what you were saying on the phone makes more sense. I hadn't read this post before I phoned you. I would have told you this story if I had read this first.

Yesterday I sent a letter to a person who I have had a very close friendship with for over 20 years. I have been feeling very hurt by the way she has treated me over the last two years, so much so that I didn't let her know when I was in hospital and didn't feel able to speak with her for support.

Two days ago I had an email from a friend who was a work colleague. One of the midwives I used to work with had died aged 42. It was such a shock because I didn't even know she had been ill. It upset me to the point that I didn't sleep and couldn't get her off my mind. Then I thought about my friend. I am sure I am going to be okay, but my health situation has a serious side, and I hadn't told her. If we are friends - and you would not believe what we have been through together - she would be hurt to think I hadn't told her about my health scare. But I couldn't just tell her still feeling the way I do. So I have written to her. I have told her I love her. And I have told her how hurt I feel by the way she has been with me since I moved to Cyprus. I have told her how that put ice around my heart and stopped me from phoning her when I would have chosen to speak to her about how scared I was. It sounds like I have dumped a guilt trip on her, but I haven't. I was not harsh, and I have tried to get our friendship back on track. It couldn't go on as it was.

I am hoping she will understand where I am coming from. But if she doesn't, well I just wonder whether she deserves my friendship, my love, my time. A few years ago this would have bothered me. Life is too short to waste on people who don't treat you right. Life is too short to carry painful baggage - hence I have put it in a letter and given it to the person who can dispose of it.

The letter has helped me to forgive her actions, and I have chosen not to remain hurt. It is a positive choice. I will always love her, but I won't allow her to trample on my feelings any more.

People do take you for granted Piglet. The word friend has too many meanings. I have a big trust issue and have a barrier around me. Even when I let people come close I can still run scared and close off. Like the Eskimo's have 32 words for love (or however many), we should have 32 words for friend. You can be friendly with someone you have met a couple of times, but it takes much longer to become a friend.

Verity.

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Verity.

Be who you are, and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.

http://coecyp.blogspot.com

I received this recently from a childhood friend whose family emigrated to Australia when we were young:-

A Friend is there -
when everyone else isn't,
believing when everyone else hasn't,
understanding when everyone else doesn't,
loving when everyone else wasn't.

Ruth

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Ruth x

Qui me amat, amet et canem meum

Do I ever make sense Verity?

I think you understand my feelings well and Im glad Im putting my mental house in order as well as the one I live in because it makes me feel better. Friend does have many meanings and you can have many types of friend.
Whilst on my spring clean I came across a sympathy card from when I lost my dad that was from someone I no longer speak to for one reason and another and it highlighted the fact that I actually miss her as a friend. Im in a 'do I make contact again or not' kind of mode and I will think about it more before making that decision. It only takes a moment to make a difference to a lifetime.

This cleaning lark has got a lot to answer for!!!
And no, the ironing still isnt done!!!

x

Hi Piglet

Of course you're a girl! Well, to me you are So the wicked witch is sorted, eh? Mine is my brother, but it's a long, long story - still, as I say, one day it will be sorted.

As for friends - a (as I thought) very good friend of mine came over to Cyprus last year for10 days - I found her a flight, accomodation (my place not big enough), and ran her around the place. She usedmy mobile phone every night while she was here, and during the day as well sometimes. When I ran her back to the airport, I asked her to email me to let me know she had arrived back safely. I had a text message the next day, and for another four months nothing - except a text from her daughter asking her if I could find here a cheap villa rental!!!

When she did eventually call me in October (this was from May), I realised she wasn't really a friend at all - just a user who certainly used me. Sorry, don't need people like that who just want somewhere for a cheap holiday - she said my place was plenty big enough, and next time (next time???) she would come stay with me It turns out she was thinking of coming out 3 or 4 times a year - I think not!

Suffice to say I haven't heard anything since. Friends are people you don't have to say sorry to - because you would never upset them in the first place.

Rant over

Jean

I'm not usually one for these slushy type of quote/verse but there are two I have been sent which I keep:

'I am smiling because you are my sister
I am laughing because there is nothing you can do about it'

and

'You never lose by loving.
You always lose by holding back'

Karen - sounding too much like Confuscius , must be Owens pepper sauce or the vino

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PARAGON PROPERTY MANAGEMENT