Paphos People

THAT SHOW

The Jeremy Kyle show was a daytime television audience baiting, device to encourage trial by television. The victims were people, with limited intelligence, judged by a jeering and mocking crowd of morons without much more common sense than their victims. Long may it rest in pieces!

Example.
Kyle has a victim squirming on a chair – but relishing her fifteen minutes of fame.
The dereliction of character begins.

I put it to you that you deliberately engineered events so that poor Jim Smith had no other choice than to marry your daughter. It’s no good protesting that you never dunnit, because quite plainly you did. You were the one who arranged for your, it has to be said, plain looking off spring to have a relationship with Jim.
You said and I quote “On my babbie’s life (that is to say your daughter) I never fought that he would take advantage of my poor little girl. She was an innocent victim of that depraved man’s wanton lust.”

The daughter is brought on pushing a pram and with three other children under five years old in tow. She is about forty and not the best looking person in the world.

By this time the audience is howling with laughter.

You arranged for Jim, after a heavy night in the pub, to come back to your place for a nightcap and a promise of unbridled sexual activity. You knew that your daughter was there alone and left her with him unchaperoned until the morning. Your appearance and supposed shock of finding them both in bed was a put up job. You planned the whole thing and the marriage when your ‘innocent little girl’ found herself pregnant was your last chance of getting her off your hands.
You took a lie detector test to prove that you are innocent and the results are here.
He produces a clipboard and begins to read.

That you made sure that Jim was drunk by getting him involved in a drinking game. GUILTY

That you made sure that he could not go home by taking his keys and hiding them. GUILTY

That you told him that you were both going back to your place for a late drink and sex. GUILTY

That you adjusted the due date of the birth of the baby to tie in with the date of the incident. GUILTY

The audience is baying for blood and they don’t care who’s, so Kyle provides it.

You are guilty of everything you have been accused of and Jim does not have to marry your disgusting daughter!

At this point Jim is brought on stage. He is about ninety and on walking sticks. Kyle shakes his hand and congratulates him on his lucky escape.
“Thank you Jeremy for what you done, but I think I should face up and say that I did it - all of it!!”
“You did it! but why are you owning up now?” said an astounded Kyle.
“Well Jeremy I’m ninety years old and I was listening backstage to everything that I was supposed to have done. I can’t wait for the standing ovation I will get when I get back to the Old Folks Home”