Paphos People

LONDON - England - The UK's currency, the pound sterling, is now weaker than Monopoly game money according to monetary analysts.



Economic analysts were shocked yesterday at how far the pound sterling has fallen from grace thanks to Labour's disastrous policies.

One Monopoly note is now worth £25.67 as of writing this article. The UK pound is now way below the Mexican Peso or Guatemalan Quetzal for the first time in history.

"I paid for my breakfast this morning with Monopoly money from my son's board game at home. I tried to pay with pounds, but they were rejected by the 'caf' staff. With 50 Monopoly money notes I was able to buy a full English breakfast including eggs, baked beans, sausage, black pudding, bacon, fresh lard and a side order of chips," Timothy Carbunkle, chief investment strategist for Morgan Stanley's Global Wealth Management Group, recounted from his 35th floor office in Canary Wharf.

The Bank of England is now relocating its offices to Toys R Us and other top toy retailers that sell Monopoly games.

The UK Pound is worthless, and all around the UK people have been finding novel uses for it.

Jane McCorkey from Isle of Dogs used to have £25,000 under her bed stashed away from a life of hard labour. Now 73 years old, she is using the money to heat her home for the winter because 'pounds burn better'.

Amy Robinson and her family of seven from East Grimsdale, Yorkshire were planning a once in a lifetime trip to France for a week and saved up £2,400 over 15 years. Now that the UK pound does not even register on the world markets, they are using the paper British pound sterling money as papier mâché puppets for the children's entertainment on cold dark winter nights.

Meanwhile in Number10 Downing Street, Gordon Brown and his aides were filmed last week playing the Monopoly board game with the now defunct UK pound.

The unelected PM has been praised for his great leadership and economic miracle by the state news service the BBC on Friday with another groveling sycophantic brown-nosing session.

"It has been announced by our supreme unelected leader that the British pound is now worthless, therefore, citizens will now have to pay for their TV licence with Monopoly game money so that we can carry on being paid our obscene salaries funded by you," Bangla Chakrabati, a BBC newsreader announced last weekend.