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Dear God - From the Dog!
https://mail.paphospeople.com/ppforum/viewtopic.php?f=51&t=15289		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  Suzy Wong [ Sat Jan 15, 2011 4:29 am ]
Post subject:  Dear God - From the Dog!
DEAR GOD:
From: THE DOG

Dear God: Is it on purpose our names are the same, only reversed?

Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?

Dear God: Why are there cars named after the Jaguar, the Cougar, the Mustang, the Colt, the Stingray, and the Rabbit, but not ONE named for a Dog? How often do you see a Cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle'?

Dear God: If a Dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad Dog?

Dear God: We Dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good Dog.
1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it.
2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
3. The Litter Box is not a play-pen.
4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.
5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying 'hello'.
8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table
9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.
10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the capet.
11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.
12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?
Author:  M.A.D [ Sat Jan 15, 2011 9:39 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Dear God - From the Dog!
Love it :clap


Say this one a few months ago and it also really tickled me.

The Dog's Diary8:00 a.m. Dog food! My favourite thing!
9:30 a.m. A car ride! My favourite thing!
9:40 a.m. A walk in the park! My favourite thing!
10:30 a.m. Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!
12:00 p.m. Milk bones! My favourite thing!
1:00 p.m. Played in the yard! My favourite thing!
3:00 p.m. Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!
5:00 p.m. Dinner! My favourite thing!
7:00 p.m. Got to play ball! My favourite thing!
8:00 p.m. Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing!
11:00 p.m. Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!

The Cat's Diary
Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are
fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt
for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something
in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.
In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today, I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their
feet.
I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending
comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. nasty man!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight.
I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.
However, I could hear the noises and smell the food.
I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies."
I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today, I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking.
I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released,
and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicating with the
guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move.
My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell,
so he is safe -- for now.
Author:  Suzy Wong [ Wed Jan 19, 2011 9:44 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Dear God - From the Dog!
Very Good. :clap :clap
Author:  happy56 [ Wed Jan 19, 2011 11:35 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Dear God - From the Dog!
Brilliant!!! Sums up dogs & cats exactly :clap :clap :smilielol
Author:  M.A.D [ Thu Jan 20, 2011 2:15 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Dear God - From the Dog!
My wife likes to note similarities between Dogs and Men

Both take up to much space on the bed.
Both have irrational fears about vacuuming
Both are threatened by there own kind
Both like to mark there territory, isn’t that right ???, next time clean up after yourself!!.
Both have an inordinate fascination with woman’s crutches.
Both fart without looking shameless
Both are suspicious of the postman
And they are always playing with balls

She is probably correct :celeb2
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