Paphos People

Give it to me, give it to me’, he roared aggressively. Some days Mary hated working at Ulster Bank. He slipped his hand under the red silk..

“You’re so beautiful in that dress.” “Feck off, it was only a euro in Penneys!

“Bríd’s knees were sore and her throat was raw…This was the longest Novena she’d ever attended.

‘She Quivered as I stroked her thighs. ‘Take me in the shower Sean!’

I whispered to her ‘Wait til I turn on the immersion’..

She wrapped her fingers around it and greedily pulled it towards her
lips. 20 bottles for 15 quid at Centra Mick! Bargain!

‘its so long! Never seen the likes of it!’ exclaimed maire, as she joined
the dole queue

She widened her mouth, trying to fit it all in!! Juices ran down her face.
Mary did love a kebab after coppers

Come on! Pump it hard.. Real hard! But it was no use the tyre was
definitely punctured!

He asked if she could handle more than one finger. She said she preferred
Hob Nobs or a purple Schnack with her tea!!

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http://www.shamanscirclecyprus.com/96_s ... ving.shtml
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Shamans-C ... 7050691072

Reminds me of Joan Collins and the Kitkat....

_________________
Straight talking, no Gimmicks.

Live your dreams.

Love it - 9/10!

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Wolfie

Never happened in feckin Fivemiletown when I was there !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Still, the farm was a tad away from the town so not all the shennanigans reached the gates, except if the postman happened to attend them the night before.
Me sainted Granny would be spinning in her grave if she was still alive!!!!

PS A whole lot better than the original.

I am told it's Bridget Jones diary with sex.
Monday: 200 fags..bonked
Tuesday..100 fags...Tied up and bonked
Wenesday: 50 fags..tied up, bonked, released, went to the chippie
Thursday...Pay day!!! 300 fags...bonked, went down the pub, bonked, 200 fags...shyte where's me wages gone??

Enopi,

This was robbed from tinternet. 50 shades of chav.

If easily offended look away now.


Dwayne took me down to the dole office today. We were going to take a walk through the park but it was closed for some party. We hung out around the bus station and shared a bottle.

A big crowd started to gather and I thought they were there to see Dwayne with his top off. A lady was jogging past with a flame on a pole so I tried getting her to light my fag for me. I got pushed out of the way by some men in grey. A police man came over and threatened us so we decided we best leave, we stumbled in just in time for Jeremy Kyle.

Even though he only had one tattoo I yearned for him to fill those lonely hours between Jeremy Kyle and Loose Women". "As he approached with those pasty white arms hanging out of his Gola vest, his smile told me it was benefit day and I knew my velour tracksuit would be hanging off the lamp shade tonight."

As I stood in line at the Job Centre thinking of reasons I couldn't work, a sweet smell drifted past my pig like nostrils. It was a mixture of weed, B.O and Lynx Africa. I turned around and there was Dwayne. Our eyes met and he was soon lifting me onto the wheelie bins behind Iceland. He had tied up his Staffy to block the ally way so we wouldn't be disturbed. There was a tramp watching but it just added to the mystery. I knew it was love and my life would never be the same.

"It was Dwayne's birthday. I was preparing his special tea of Findus Crispy Pancakes and Pot Noodle. I would let him take me any way he wanted tonight. His favourite position was what he called The Dogs of War. Where he took me from behind and played Call of Duty at the same time." "Our 6 week anniversary was approaching. This would be my longest relationship without becoming pregnant. ...

There was only one way to complete Dwaynes birthday celebrations, I scraped the dog doodoo from the bottom of the bath and tried my hardest to turn the corroding tap. As the slightly discoloured water trickled from the limescale covered spout I hurried down stairs to find a bottle of his favourite bubbly. I lit some “candles” around the bath and slowely poured the white lightening into a couple of glasses acquired from the pub down the road.

I turned my stolen i-phone onto speaker and slowely removed my off white bra and knickers, I could hear Dwayne coming in the door so started up “our song.” I could hear him heading to the kitchen and openin the fridge, “wheres my lightnin” he shouted storming upstairs as I wallowed whale like in the bath waiting for him.

I was half way through my rendition of happy birthday as Dwayne joined me in the bath, not the conventional way but he’d had a few birthday drinks with his mates and tripped on my bra as he reached for the glass of white lightening next to my head.

We lay together until the water started to warm up at which point I realised Dwayne had actually wet himself. I struggled from underneath him and pulled the clump of hair out that was stopping the water from exiting the bath.

I took a towell and rubbed myself down before heading to the bed where tyson lay snarling at one of his toys.