Paphos People

After overhearing someone getting in a panic when told her local ‘hostelry might not be open for Christmas Lunch this year due to the restrictions, “what will we do?” She said, my comment of ‘cook it yourself’ went down like a lead balloon and her reply was….”I don’t know how, it’s too complicated”
Just in case anyone is in the same boat and is stressing about Christmas Day..........I stole this from Patterson’s Butchers, Sheffield

Here's the top tips

Christmas Dinner....
I have concluded that the inevitable stress of Christmas dinner is created by adverts, supermarkets and TV chefs...
It's a Sunday dinner for goodness sake!!! We do it quite happily 51 weeks of the year but can we the consumers be trusted to manage by ourselves on one day of the year...apparently not!

Here goes...
1. Turkey... It's a big bloody chicken that's all, 20 minutes per lb plus 20 minutes at 180 degrees - jobs a good un! Get yourselves a meat thermometer £3 off the Internet poke it in the offending bird if it says 75 degrees or over its cooked!
2. Stuffing - regardless of what Jamie Oliver says you do NOT need 2lbs of shoulder of pork, onions breadcrumbs, pine nuts and a barrow load of fresh herbs to make stuffing....( no wonder he's bankrupt if that’s what he spends to make stuffing!)
What you need is Paxo and a kettle!! If you want to liven it up squeeze 3 sausages out of their skins and mix that in with your Paxo before cooking.
3. Gravy - Jamie Oliver is copping for this one as well....
Bisto Jamie.... All you need is Bisto!
I (nor any other woman I know) has got time on Christmas Eve to muck about roasting chicken wings and vegetables, adding stock and flour, cooking it for another half hour, mashing it all up with a potato masher and then straining the whole sorry mess to make gravy
4. Vegetables... Never mind faffing round shredding sprouts and frying them with bacon and chestnuts to make them more palatable... If you don't like them don't buy and cook the bloody things!! If your family only eats frozen peas then that's good enough!
5. Roast potatoes... Yes I par boil mine then roast them in goose fat but Aunt Bessie also does the same.
6. Trimmings /Christmas pudding and the like.... Aldi or Lidl!
(oh and while we're on the subject of pudding- if birds custard is what your family likes on the wretched thing then that's fine - you do not need brandy butter /rum sauce etc or anything else that costs a fortune and takes 2 hours to make!)
7. Family....(If permitted in your bubble)
Children.. Feed the little blighters first separately, if they only want turkey with tomato sauce - fine just leave them to it, it doesn't matter. Once they are fed, send them off to play with their Christmas presents so that YOU can enjoy your dinner in Peace!
Adults... Anyone that can manage to get their sorry backsides to your dinner table is also capable of helping to sort the kids out/ serve up/ clear the table /wash up /dry up etc.
And Finally.....
NO ONE.... And I mean no one APART FROM THE COOK IS ALLOWED TO GET DRUNK AND FALL ASLEEP BEFORE THE WASHING UP IS DONE!!!
Merry Christmas!

_________________
Dave
Moira And Dave

“I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.”

Great post - I've been saying the "It's a Sunday dinner for goodness sake!!!" part for years and getting all sorts of flak from people so it's good to know that I'm not the only person in the world to think this

[quote="M.A.D"]After overhearing someone getting in a panic when told her local ‘hostelry might not be open for Christmas Lunch this year due to the restrictions, “what will we do?” She said, my comment of ‘cook it yourself’ went down like a lead balloon and her reply was….”I don’t know how, it’s too complicated”
Just in case anyone is in the same boat and is stressing about Christmas Day..........


I have only ever had one Christmas Day Lunch away from home.
I booked a table for 7 at a local hostelry, which cost me dearly. It snowed that year and we skidded across the car park and into the venue (stiletto shoes were not a good idea). The meal was amazing, so I was told by two of my guests ... as the other five of us were suffering flu effects and impaired taste buds which we had awakened with that morning.
Luckily, I enjoy my home comforts and don't mind cooking for others.
The easy tip I have for the stuffing mix is ... add some mandarin segments and fresh mushroom slices to the Paxo ... Tasty !
Also, don't forget to have a 'G & T' whilst preparing the fresh produce ... have another 'G & T' each time you check on the turkey .... frequently baste the bird, whilst pouring another 'G & T' each time.
When ready to dine, start with an Aperitif (a schooner of Sherry), Prosciutto with Melon(in Port); then a selection of red/white wines for all diners to choose from with their main course; followed by a Xmas Pud with Brandy Butter or Rum Sauce (or both) accompanied by a bottle of Muscat; then a good Port with the Cheese Board with grapes, apple and celery. Then Gaelic Coffee, with fresh cream on top, plus some 'After whatever hour it is' Mints.
Leave the clearing-up to the 'hired-help' you married, or to any willing guests.
Relax ... and all celebrate with a bottle of Fizz .... and keep your 'G & T' glass topped up, too.

You won't remember if anyone thought well of your efforts but you will have 12 months to practice again. So ... Have a Cognac ! ... Zzzzzzzz.

You may have hit on something here.

Can I chuck in my four penn'orth?

2. Stuffing. Yes, Paxo does the job, but I always add sausagemeat, which you can buy in any big supermarket here. Mix up the Paxo with boiling water and a large knob of butter, let it cool, then add the sausagemeat (or peeled sausages) then roll it into balls the size of plums and put them on a baking tray and cook them at 180 for 30 to 40 minutes.

3. Gravy. Bisto works (not sure that you can get turkey gravy here though), but we use Phil Vickery's recipe which makes the most delicious gravy.

In addition to the turkey, you need:

2 large carrots, peeled
2 large onions, peeled
6 sticks of celery
1 leek
2 bay leaves
2 chicken stock cubes
1/2 bottle of dry white wine
2 pints of cold water
salt and freshly ground pepper
55g melted butter
2 tbsp (approx) cornflour
4-6 tbsp cold water

Chop all the vegetables into large chunks and place them in the bottom of a large roasting tin and put the turkey on top.

Pour in the white wine, water and stock cubes.

Place the tray on the hob and bring to the boil, then cover with 2 layers of foil and place it in the oven.

TIP: Fold 2 long strips of turkey foil over and over to give them strength and place them under the turkey. This gives you two straps to pick the turkey up by when it is cooked.

Cook the turkey as normal, depending on the size.

When cooked, remove the foil, brush the turkey with the melted butter, turn up the oven to 230 and cook for another 15 minutes or so until the turkey is browned.

Remove the turkey and strain all the liquid into a saucepan (the vegetables go in the bin). You can also add a bit more boiling water to the roasting pan and loosen the remaining bits stuck on the bottom of the tin and add them to the pan.

Bring the liquid to the boil and skim to remove the fat from the top if desired.

Add cornflour to thicken the gravy and keep it warm until you are ready to serve.

It really isn't as much work as it sounds and the results are amazing. You get the most delicious gravy with all the good bits from the turkey as it cooks.

Merry Christmas!

For those who haven't tried my 'Perfect' Christmas cake, here is the recipe and method again


Ingredients:
1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
lemon juice
4 large eggs
lots of nuts
1 bottle Vodka
2 cups of dried fruit

Sample the vodka to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the vodka again. To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.

Repeat.

Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.

Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point it's best to make sure the vodka is shtill OK.

Try another cup .... just in case. Turn off the mixerer.

Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.

Pick fruit off floor.

Mix on the turner.

If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a sdrewscriver.

Sample the vodka to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who careshz.

Check the vodka.

Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.

Add one table.

Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.

Greash the oven and wee in the fridge.

Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.

Don't forget to beat off the turner.

Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the vodka

Fall into bed.

CHERRY MISTMAS

_________________
Dave
Moira And Dave

“I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.”

Already did a practice run last weekend for the main course - a few tweaks on the day and we're done.
The main meal is only part of the day - like to follow the family traditions as that makes us feel closer to family past and present.

Tooo funny MAD

And being alone over here away from family

Christmas dinner isn,t the main part of the day

We face time opening of gifts with each of our children , brothers and sisters...wear silly hats...zoom in and out of our children’s parties and Christmas Day dinners

Making the world a much smaller space

And our minute bubble seem much much bigger

Thanks Dave.

Me and my rescued dog and 3 cats gathered around the table, they on the floor.

One empty setting unfortunately.

Alan

I am one of the strange creatures that enjoys brussels just boiled, then if possible fried in a little butter. Wife agrees xmas lunch is just sunday lu ch with a few extras. I am very lucky my wife is an excellent cook and i am looking forward to my xmas lunch which will be a day or 2 before xmas.

The only thing I add to a normal roast chicken dinner to make it Christmassy is my special stuffing, the recipe is one which I got off the TV so many years ago I can't remember who the chef was ! I will share it with you.

A pound of good quality pork sausage meat
1 onion grated
8 ounces of dried apricots (chopped finely)
4 ounces raw cashew nuts ( chopped roughly)
Tea cup of home made breadcrumbs
1 egg
salt and pepper to taste

Mix all together
Grease a loaf tin and put it in .
Bake in oven until cooked on medium heat ( around 175 for 30 minutes)

It is even nice cold with cold meats and salad.

Hope you all manage to enjoy Christmas .xx

A plus side to lockdown means the the wife and I can sit down to Christmas lunch on Christmas day for the first time in 11 years. She now asking me what she should cook . Difficult question which I really need to get right

_________________
Dave
Moira And Dave

“I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.”