Paphos People

THE ALTERNATIVE KINGS SPEECH

Hello my name is Charles and this is a brief resume of my life so far. Windsor is not my real name or my Fathers, he was a Mountbatten. Windsor was deemed to be more appropriate than Sax-Coberg especially after the First World War. So my Great grandfather George V changed it.
I was born on November 14th 1948, to a Greek father and a mother of Germanic descent. My early life was as a very privileged and wealthy child.
Then in 1952 my mother was unexpectedly rocketed to the head of the Royal Family when she became Queen. Our name was changed from Mountbatten to Windsor. That didn’t go down well with Philipos the Greek!
As the eldest son of the reigning monarch I was automatically promoted to be the Duke of Cornwall, it all went over my head at four years old I’m afraid.
School was a very pleasant time for me until I was eleven when my father Philipos decided that I needed toughening up and sent me to Gordenstaun College. It is as far north as you can go in mainland Scotland and bloody cold like Colditz in kilts! It was hell for me until in my sixteenth year when I went on to higher education ending up at Cambridge University. I graduated in Archaeology, and History (Which was all about my family anyway).
Free of education the Royal Air Force beckoned and I trained as a jet pilot. Luckily there were no conflicts going on around the world at that time so that was just added to my C.V.
The Royal Navy was my next venture where I qualified as a helicopter pilot and captained my own ship HMS Bronington, for nine months. She is a coastal patrol vessel, so I was never far from home if I wanted to be.
With my National Service completed I became the high flying heir to the throne. On my twenty first birthday mummy bought me an Aston Martin DB5, so there I was in a car capable of one hundred and sixty miles an hour usually with a bloody policeman in the passenger seat!
My passions in those years were fast cars, Polo, and my new home Highgrove House in Tetbury. Then there was Camilla Shand she captured my attention and my heart. Unfortunately she didn’t have the appropriate pedigree required for the future queen.
Mummy and Philipos decided that I should be married to a suitable innocent and appropriate girl. That’s how I ended up marrying Diana in 1981. It all seemed very prim and proper and within a year or so she became pregnant with what turned out to be William, the next heir to the throne of England, after me of course. Another child followed but I really don’t know how. The marriage began to fail after that despite the best efforts of the Windsor doodoo department.
I confided in Granny rather than my parents with my problems she told me to follow my heart and ignore the protocol. So I did. Then the whole marriage thing finally collapsed and divorce followed. What a relief!
Diana’s death in nineteen ninety seven was very sad, even I am not that vindictive, she was just an unfortunate victim of the system. Obey the appropriate rules and you might survive if you follow my meaning.
I resumed my life again able to meet up with Camilla who by this time was Camilla Parker- Bowles a bit of a mess all round really. Still as I said at the time it wouldn’t be long now and I would be King and it would all be forgotten or forgiven.
On the ninth of April 2021, Philipos popped his clogs it was not unexpected as he was ninety nine after all. Mummy of course showed the stiff upper lip and carried on regardless like the dedicated star that she was. I had to make a speech showing respect and calling him my Papa all of which was written for me. I was advised not to smile during it because it would not be appropriate. Some people would misconstrue it. So, suitably grief stricken, I carried out my royal duty.

Well it finally happened, Mummy shuffled off this mortal coil and I got the job as King at last. Camilla has become the Queen Consort which is close enough.

Here I am in my seventies , King Charles the third. William is married now to a bride of his choice and produced three children, one of which will eventually be King or Queen. The other one, whatever his name is, has married a yank. They have decided to break away from the royal family and live in America. I don’t think that he was ever really part of our group anyway. I expect time will tell. Trust in the Windsor secret society if you follow my meaning!

That’s my view about the longest reign in English history and here we all are the disjointed Windsor family, four of us. Children of the Queen of England three of us are divorced one is disgraced as well, for the moment anyway. I wonder how long I will last.

A TOAST TO MUMMY – CHEERS!

MERRY CHRISTMAS